[Evolution_130580]

My gf is 6.5 yrs younger than me...I'm 27 and she's 20 going on 21. Not sure if this has got anything to do with her rather immature thinking...

Today, my gf wants to end the relationship with me. We have been together for exactly 199 days as of today ( ~ 6 months).

The reason for her wanting to end it is very silly...it's all a huge misunderstanding on her part (driven by her low self esteem & insecurity about herself) regarding an outing I had with my ex-uni classmates to celebrate one of the person's birthday just last weekend. She was already quite sad / sore that she wasnt able to join due to her wrk commitments. She's very sensitive and paranoid de...and all because she saw some pictures being posted on friendster by my classmates of the outing, she drew really wild conclusions from those pictures, said a lot of hurtful words and threw a lot of accusations at me on things that I never did at all during the outing. It was very heartbreaking to hear those words coming from her...especially accusing me so violently of things I never did...it was all her imagination gone wild...(by the way, her period is supposed to come sometime this week...not sure if that plays a part)

I have already taken quite some time off work by secretly going into a private corner to call her to try to explain things. She would have none of it lor. Called her at least 3 or 4 times coz she hung up on me midway each time.

I'm really at a loss now. Must the relationship end like that ? All because of her paranoia and things I never even did ??

We were supposed to meet today as it's her off day.. and it so happened that when she was online at home, she saw those pics..and thats how it all started.

The worst thing is that we have a trip to taiwan and that happens next week...everything is booked liao...

She already told me a few times via sms and over the phone that she wants to break le. And she also told me to settle the $ matters between us i.e she did pass some $ for me to help her save earlier during this r/s and now she wants the balance back after deducting the expenses for the air tix and hotel owing to me which i have already booked for our trip...

It's a really black day for me....

I'm INNOCENT !!!

[et3rnity84]

its gonna be hard on your side... trust me.. cos that's what happened to me, nt e same incident but the same actions done by her..

wan break means break 1.. and she's age 20 this yr.

these patterns in a teenage girl around this age is evident... as to us, celebrations like that is considered mutual and 'nothing really big' kinda thing. to them, paranoid ones would think we got 1 leg or 1 hand. zz.

its gonan be hard on ya side trust me... but u must bear with it. take care bro.

[Juel]

Originally Posted by Evolution_130580

She already told me a few times via sms and over the phone that she wants to break le.

you mean she initate breaking up with you before?

think you should reassure her that you love her since you state that she's got low self esteem and insecurity. maybe you can get your ex-classmate whom she know to talk to her about what actually happen that day and clear things up.

people do make silly decisions when they are young and angry. maybe you'll wanna give her sometime to cool down then talk to her again.

[Evolution_130580]

Originally Posted by Juel

you mean she initate breaking up with you before?

think you should reassure her that you love her since you state that she's got low self esteem and insecurity. maybe you can get your ex-classmate whom she know to talk to her about what actually happen that day and clear things up.

people do make silly decisions when they are young and angry. maybe you'll wanna give her sometime to cool down then talk to her again.

Nope, never initiate break with me before. But always when i go out with my frens ... not so often also...at most 1x per month or 1x per 2 mth...and it she nt able to join...she will kick up a big fuss at the end lor...say i neglect her...etc...

if everything is ok this time, i hope she can slowly grow up as time passes..or this "pattern" of hers may really end up destroying the r/s for good 1 day.

[emcom]

Jialat situation...

I guess this kinda things happen when our gf is abit low self esteem and insecurity.

Your this situation had happen to me too. No matter how I explain also no use. It really create a mental stress on the guys\' side. Didnt do anything wrong yet kana. Then die die want us to admit we are wrong.. cannot like that right.. didnt do yet keep wanting us to admit.

Hai... bro we got the same fate!

[yugi_J_J]

Ai ya, gals are always paranoid de lahz. Then when we paranoid and say they going too close wif one guy or wad, then they will say we nvr trust them and stuff. Haix

Anyway, tink if u wan salvage ur situation, the best is do it during the taiwan trip lohz. Do someting romantic to win her heart back and stuff. Try convince her during the trip ba.

If reali cannot salvage, then let it go ba. At times letting it go might be better. Esp since she dun trust u, dun see the point of going on. And she now 20 yrs old plus plus liao, quite hard to change her mindset now. If reali wan salvage try asking her frenz for help? Ask them help u persuade her and stuff.

[Superwoman19]

umm.. she is just being insecure plus the fact that you are so much older than her.. she might be worrying that you will dump her for older girls..

what she need is assurance, assurance and more assurance. don't break her heart

-advice coming from another 20 year old girl

[jiemin83]

I'm rarely paranoid

Anyway, I would say that you should intro all friends you have to her, and let them be her friends too. Then manage her expectations and let her know that since she's met all your friends, she's can't be jealous of them. Let her know who you are close to and bring her to meet them more often.

Let her know that you also want to meet all her friends, so that at least you know that she's safe when she hangs out with them.

Let her know you care about her, and also, if she can't go for your outings in future.. ask her if she would like you to wait for her to go along, or skip it. Ask 3 times.

[Evolution_130580]

Originally Posted by jiemin83

I'm rarely paranoid

Anyway, I would say that you should intro all friends you have to her, and let them be her friends too. Then manage her expectations and let her know that since she's met all your friends, she's can't be jealous of them. Let her know who you are close to and bring her to meet them more often.

Let her know that you also want to meet all her friends, so that at least you know that she's safe when she hangs out with them.

Let her know you care about her, and also, if she can't go for your outings in future.. ask her if she would like you to wait for her to go along, or skip it. Ask 3 times.

The problem is, I don't even meet up my own frens regularly just to hang out anyway.

The times that we meet are usually for special occasions..so the problem is, I cannot always because my gf not able to make it then I miss out also ma. What will tat make my friends think of me...and especially of my gf ? I'm talking about occasions like having birthday dinner, wedding dinner, christmas dinner, baby 1st mth, the once in a blue moon sec sch reunion, college reunion, uni reunion etc...

and im also a bit scared to intro her to all my frens ba...she can be quite jealous of the chio gals in the group...will make face and even create a scene happen before 1x liao...

[raidenCsv]

very hard, i guess the trip has to be cancelled, or you ask someone to go for you. but still...

i can offer you a song only.....

oh, how the hell did we wind up like this?
why weren't we able, to see that something we missed?
and try to turn the tables,
lately there's been too much of this,
and don't think it's too late
nothing's wrong, just as long as you know that,
someday i will
someday, somehow, i'm gonna make it allright but not right now...

nickelback-someday.

good luck.

[foxtrot]

so childish when at age 21.
so why dun u say abit about her character , past , and what made her this way.
coz all u are saying is her current behavior.
have u tired to reframe it in the above manner to find out causes ? ??????????????????/

[preciousmoments_11]

Hi...

So how are things?? Hope it has improved and you will still be able to proceed with your trip as planned...

[phenylhexanol]

if she is so insecure about herself there is nothing u can do except reassure her. if intro ur frens to her still cannot and u can't live without this bunch of frens then no choice... a lot is up to her...

eventually is all these carry it can only lead to break-up (either u too stress by her insecurity and jealousy and making scenes etc and can't breathe or she too jealous and think u are going out with another ger)

look, r/s is not monopoly... u need ur frens in when u are in a r/s too. maybe talk to her abt it calmly... if she cant accept it then it is ur choice, do u want to and think u can continue this way forever?

How does the picture & poses look? Maybe u can tease abt it for her to cool down?

[db77]

yeah, she want break den break lor. lotsa greener pastures. ask another gal go taiwan wif you lah.