[Loveboat]

I have been with my bf for 6years. A few mths ago he told me that he has a change of heart, while on an overseas trip with a colleague. Hetold me abt it before anything happen and admit it was a stupid mistake. i forgave him. But recently i found out that he went out with his frends and he lied to me that he went home liao but in actual fact hes still out..i was very angry and told him off...after wat had happen hw can u lie to me abt such thing, i mean i dun even know for sure that hes out wif his frends right! after that incident i tot he shld haf been more conscious abt lying to me right and wheni told him hw i felt, he just kept quiet and say that he lied coz he dun 1 me to get unhappi for staying out late wif his frends .......i dun know wat to do...shld i forgive this person again? until now he hafnt called me to try n explain anything .....i just feel i'm not impt to him anymore...

[amoro]

well...
mayb he tot its not abt explaining to u cos u might not listen to any of his reason...

he wan a cooling period..
U should too...
dun meet or call and start quarreling...
no gd...
listen to his explainantion...

[Calis]

Loveboat, it's takes effort to maintain a relationship, especially in communication. Both of you need to cool down, then have a heart to heart sharing of how and what needs to be communicated on each other's where-abouts.

Don't see this as wanting him to report to you or something. Approach this from a point of view of what are important to both of you, e.g building trust, respect, concern about each other's safety.

Find an opportunity to sit down with him and share with him how you feel about this situation. Let him say his piece. Some guys feel that it's nothing important to tell his gf when it's staying out late with friends, esp when it's a last minute decision. Let him know in a nice way if you disagree on that and explain why. Don't let him feel or see you as throwing tamtrums or demanding too much.

[Bianca]

If I were you I wouldnt.
Be it whether its been a 6-years relationship, 60 years relationship or more..... the moment he commits a mistake and admits that he has a change of heart, its a sure-sign that means "let go". If there is a first time, there is sure bound to have more. A relationship is like a mirror, once a rift is made, there is no way this crack can ever be mended to make the mirror appear brand-new and whole ever again.

When a man starts lying about trivial stuff...... like, hiding the fact that he goes out with friends, it only means that the extent of his lies would grow. Never let him get used to lying to you, because who knows what else he may lie about some day in future?

He may use the excuse he is afraid of incensing you, but most of the times such are merely excuses. Unless you are the kind of person who gets angry very easily, at the smallest things..... but even if such were the case, he should not lie.

THere are always more subtle and tactful ways of telling a bf/gf that they want to go out with friends and that they'll be home later.

To forgive someone who betrays our trust is as good as deceiving ourselves.

Take care and all the best in this.

[Loveboat]

Originally Posted by Calis

Loveboat, it's takes effort to maintain a relationship, especially in communication. Both of you need to cool down, then have a heart to heart sharing of how and what needs to be communicated on each other's where-abouts.

Don't see this as wanting him to report to you or something. Approach this from a point of view of what are important to both of you, e.g building trust, respect, concern about each other's safety.

Find an opportunity to sit down with him and share with him how you feel about this situation. Let him say his piece. Some guys feel that it's nothing important to tell his gf when it's staying out late with friends, esp when it's a last minute decision. Let him know in a nice way if you disagree on that and explain why. Don't let him feel or see you as throwing tamtrums or demanding too much.

wat u said feels true...
i think he needs to build trust so that i wont do "imaginative thinking"..but the thing is i told him hw i feel as best as i cld and his reaction is always like keep quiet..ask him wats on his mind, troubling him, abt us...he just say nothing...keepg quiet became his "forte"

i just think dat he cld be out doing something else or some other plc and he can lie to me abt it again...
he doesnt do that in the past and it just hurts to know that he has changed

Originally Posted by Bianca

If I were you I wouldnt.
Be it whether its been a 6-years relationship, 60 years relationship or more..... the moment he commits a mistake and admits that he has a change of heart, its a sure-sign that means "let go". If there is a first time, there is sure bound to have more. A relationship is like a mirror, once a rift is made, there is no way this crack can ever be mended to make the mirror appear brand-new and whole ever again.

When a man starts lying about trivial stuff...... like, hiding the fact that he goes out with friends, it only means that the extent of his lies would grow. Never let him get used to lying to you, because who knows what else he may lie about some day in future?

He may use the excuse he is afraid of incensing you, but most of the times such are merely excuses. Unless you are the kind of person who gets angry very easily, at the smallest things..... but even if such were the case, he should not lie.

THere are always more subtle and tactful ways of telling a bf/gf that they want to go out with friends and that they'll be home later.

To forgive someone who betrays our trust is as good as deceiving ourselves.

Take care and all the best in this.

i agree with you..sad to say....至是我放不下....

[Calis]

From what you said, he's shutting out communication with you. Keeping quiet and chronic lying are signs he's not committed anymore. As what Bianca says, it's magnamious of you to forgive, but don't be taken in for the 2nd time. You'll deceiving yourself.

Seriously think through if you really want to be in a relationship where your bf isn't true & committed to you or communicate truthfully. It'll be a pain to cut this relationship when there's no way to save it... but it's better that way that suffer from consequences and more heart pain later on. I've been through that, so I may understand what's happening in your case.

[Loveboat]

Originally Posted by Calis

From what you said, he's shutting out communication with you. Keeping quiet and chronic lying are signs he's not committed anymore. As what Bianca says, it's magnamious of you to forgive, but don't be taken in for the 2nd time. You'll deceiving yourself.

Seriously think through if you really want to be in a relationship where your bf isn't true & committed to you or communicate truthfully. It'll be a pain to cut this relationship when there's no way to save it... but it's better that way that suffer from consequences and more heart pain later on. I've been through that, so I may understand what's happening in your case.

As it is now there is already alot of heart pain..
Seems like all signs are telling me to throw the white towel but u knoe what, i dun even haf the courage to say "its over" to him bc i'm afraid - 我放不下...
I really dun know hw to live thru this...
The thought of really breaking up just seem so far yet so imminent at the same time..

[reality82]

i cannot forgive ppl who lie...once bitten twice shy...if he can do it once he can do it again...its ur call whether to 4give him or not...use our opinions as references but ur own judgement to gauge...this kinda thing only u urself can make the call..

[Calis]

Answer yourself truthfully if he is STILL the person you can accept and love, especially the character and values. If his character changed and doesn't want to commit, then it's no use anymore. Ultimately, it's your decision, I'm only giving my views.

Hmm... what are the reasons why you're afraid? Have you done your best to salvage this relationship? If you have, then why the regret or unwillingness to let go?

[Loveboat]

Originally Posted by Calis

Answer yourself truthfully if he is STILL the person you can accept and love, especially the character and values. If his character changed and doesn't want to commit, then it's no use anymore. Ultimately, it's your decision, I'm only giving my views.

Hmm... what are the reasons why you're afraid? Have you done your best to salvage this relationship? If you have, then why the regret or unwillingness to let go?

wat is considered the best? i feel i have but shld i haf done more?
i love him..可以说放就放的吗？

"I'm only giving my views." - I know. Thks. I need it.

[Calis]

When you feel you have done what you can, it's good enough. It takes 2 hands to clap in a relationship. I know you love him, no doubt. 可是爱一个人并不表示一定拥有他。

[Loveboat]

Originally Posted by Calis

When you feel you have done what we can, it's good enough. It takes 2 hands to clap in a relationship. I know you love him, no doubt. 可是爱一个人并不表示一定拥有他。

Maybe ur right, maybe i havent reach that level..

[Calis]

For now, what you can do is to maintain communication with him. Take some time to accept what's happening and what you're really feeling. I believe you'll come to a conclusion, make a decision and take action when the time comes.

[Loveboat]

I broke up with my bf......
He said hes not as committed as in the past..i ask him wat he meant..i alwas thought he wld marry me and that things nv change after i forgive and got bac together. Clearly i was deluding myself, for he said that "hes not readi anymore..things jus feel different".....there n then i woke up.

I feel terrible...just when iknow wat love is i woke up, i really did...that its really over....

[NaeSSeaN]

Loveboat,
I feel sorry for you, and quite understand your tough situation. Since you have decided, I think there is no reason to look back. May be you and him need a silent time. I mean stay away from each other and try to have a new lifes without eachother. Dont be too sad hor. There are plenty of guy out there mah. I think you need friends to go out with you after the break off or heartache. I think it will help. Or you can enjoy something with your family lor. So don't be too sad. Give you some time to heal the heartwound and continue your life. You are still very young, still have so many thing in the future. Take care first then do it hor...Can? .Be mature hor!!!