[forever-urs]

This is a compilation of actual Church Bulletins and Service bloopers:

* Our next song is "Angels We Have Heard Get High".

* Don't let worry kill you--let the church help.

* Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community.

* For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.

* Weight Watchers will meet a 7 p.m. at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.

* Jean will be leading a weight-management series Wednesday nights. She's used the program herself and has been growing like crazy!

* The rosebud on the altar this morning is to announce the birth of David Alan Belzer, the sin of Rev. and Mrs. Julius Belzer.

* This afternoon there will be a meeting in the South and North ends of the church. Children will be baptized at both ends.

* Tuesday at 4:00 p.m. there will be an ice cream social. All ladies giving milk will please come early.

* This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Lewis to come forward and lay an egg on the altar.

* The service will close with Little Drops of Water. One of the ladies will start quietly and the rest of the congregation will join in.

* Next Sunday a special collection will be taken to defray the cost of the new carpet. All those wishing to do something on the carpet should come forward and do so.

* The ladies of the church have cast off clothing of every kind. They can be seen in the church basement Saturday.

* Thursday night--Potluck supper. Prayer and medication to follow.

* Eight new choir robes are currently needed, due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.

* The senior choir invites any member of the congregation who enjoys sinning to join the choir.

* At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What is Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice.

* During the absence of our pastor, we enjoyed the rare privilege of hearing a good sermon when A. B. Doe supplied our pulpit.

* The Rev. Adams spoke briefly, much to the delight of his audience.

* The church is glad to have with us today as our guest minister the Rev. Shirley Green, who has Mrs. Green with him. After the service we request that all remain in the sanctuary for the Hanging of the Greens.

* The eighth graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet" in the church basement on Friday at 7 p.m. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.

* The 1991 Spring Council Retreat will be hell May 10 and 11.

* Pastor is on vacation. Massages can be given to church secretary.

* Please join us as we show our support for Amy and Alan in preparing for the girth of their first child.

* Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.

[xiaochong]

I dont quite get ur jokes...

[scuttlebutt]

Originally Posted by forever-urs

This is a compilation of actual Church Bulletins and Service bloopers:

* Our next song is "Angels We Have Heard Get High".

..>>> Song title is 'Angels We Have Heard OnHigh... not get high.."

* Don't let worry kill you--let the church help.

>>>> Let Church help kill you??!!

* Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community.

>>>>> Pray for those is is sick OF church... heh heh

* For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.


>>>>have children and DO NOT KNOW?

* Weight Watchers will meet a 7 p.m. at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.

>>>>>Weight Watchers to use the LARGE DOUBLE Door


* Jean will be leading a weight-management series Wednesday nights. She's used the program herself and has been growing like crazy!

>>>>>>Weight management series.... that makes you GROWING like crazy... I wud not use it :P


* The rosebud on the altar this morning is to announce the birth of David Alan Belzer, the sin of Rev. and Mrs. Julius Belzer.

>>>>>>>>you mean The SON of Rev. and Mrs. Julius Belzer and not not the sin of Rev. and Mrs. Julius Belzer.


* This afternoon there will be a meeting in the South and North ends of the church. Children will be baptized at both ends.

>>>>> Children is baptised at both the head and the feet?


* Tuesday at 4:00 p.m. there will be an ice cream social. All ladies giving milk will please come early.

>>>>> Ladies giving milk... ?


* This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Lewis to come forward and lay an egg on the altar.

>>>>To put an egg on the altar unless Mrs Lewis is a Hen?

* The service will close with Little Drops of Water. One of the ladies will start quietly and the rest of the congregation will join in.

>>> I knida get the impression that ladies are to pee ... then, the rest joins in...

* Next Sunday a special collection will be taken to defray the cost of the new carpet. All those wishing to do something on the carpet should come forward and do so.

>>>> Do something on the carpet... like what... tribal dance?


* The ladies of the church have cast off clothing of every kind. They can be seen in the church basement Saturday.


>>>OOohhh ladies cast off clothing... Naked women to be seen at church basement?

* Thursday night--Potluck supper. Prayer and medication to follow.


>>>>> Potluck that needs prayer and medication, and not meditation. Must be quite potent.

* Eight new choir robes are currently needed, due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.

>>>>older choir members have deteriorated... And not the robes...


* The senior choir invites any member of the congregation who enjoys sinning to join the choir.

>>>> Join the choir! Only if you love to sin! and not sing....


* At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What is Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice.

>>>> Choir practicing on "what is hell? "

* During the absence of our pastor, we enjoyed the rare privilege of hearing a good sermon when A. B. Doe supplied our pulpit.

>>> huh? you hear a good sermon only when your pastor is not around?


* The Rev. Adams spoke briefly, much to the delight of his audience.

>>>hurrray! it not long... it's brief.

* The church is glad to have with us today as our guest minister the Rev. Shirley Green, who has Mrs. Green with him. After the service we request that all remain in the sanctuary for the Hanging of the Greens.

>>>> Hang the Rev! Hang the Greens! And not the plants!

* The eighth graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet" in the church basement on Friday at 7 p.m. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.

>>> 8th graders performances are TRAGEDY indeed,


* The 1991 Spring Council Retreat will be hell May 10 and 11.

>>>> What a retreat... Hell, the new retreat coming up.

* Pastor is on vacation. Massages can be given to church secretary.

>>>>So... that's what the Pastor gets... I want a massage too!

* Please join us as we show our support for Amy and Alan in preparing for the girth of their first child.

>>>> the girth of the first child ? Measure the top to bottom too!

* Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.

>>>> Scouts honour: I shall cripple children with the money collected.

[capslock]

Funny!

[citizen]

MAN
SUPER FARNIE!!!!

i almost laffed out loud in office

[Zerocool2311]

hehe... ultimate!

[smkiong]